This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Green mimosas i think yes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
