I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
