dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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