pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
