Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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