It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
