need another drink. this is the easiest way
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
