Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
