I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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