I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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