Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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