there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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