There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
