Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
