I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
