They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
