I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize