I wish my penis had an off switch
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
