He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
