I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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