don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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