How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
