I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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