my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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