Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
