can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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