Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
