Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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