Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
