I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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