Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
