my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
