I hate your face
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
