I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize