she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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