gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
