Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
