Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
