what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
