I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
