i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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