i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
