hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
