did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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