The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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