At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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