I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
