Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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