Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
