I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
