I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
