that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize