new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
