dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
