i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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