He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
