fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
