What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
