Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
