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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
