woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
