Your tits are I can't wait for
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
