Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
