my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
