Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
