she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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