I wish I only lived at night.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
