I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize