I am full of burrito and curiosity
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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