I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
sarcasm needs its own font
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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