she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
