i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
